who do I think I am?

2 05 2010

Long before the show Who Do You Think You Are? aired on tv, I began my journey to track different parts of my family tree. 

 

Distracted often, I truthfully, never got very far.  Sad to say, but this show, has renewed my interest in tracing my roots.  I was always interested in my father’s side of the family, and his father, in particular.  Recently however, I have been drawn to tracing my grandmother’s family (my dad’s mom).  I didn’t know her all that well; we didn’t see her all that often and when we did, we always shuffled off to play in the basement with our cousins.  

Only in recent years did I learn that she was French-Canadian, never having heard her speak french, I had no idea.  Her life fascinates me and I find that I have a growing need to understand the woman I, regrettably, never knew in life.  Like many from her generation, her path was not easy; her happiness did not come easy.

I have a few clues to start me on my journey.  Wish me luck. 

Most of my memories got left on the farm…yet I want to see where the story started.

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urghhh…

27 04 2010

I caught up with an old friend today and we had a great conversation.  Much has changed in both our lives and all of it positive.  Somehow though, I still walked away feeling like I was not keeping up the Joneses….

I’m actually kinda bummed.  Over the years I have managed to feel very good about where I am in life and not make the dreaded comparison that can make you feel like something is lacking.  I am very proud of our achievements and our lifestyle.  However, it is not filled with flashy social events, twice-yearly world travel, or fancy cars.  I feel very fortunate.  Most days.  I have my health, a great job, a wonderful partner in life and love, and countless other things. 

Sometimes though words can complicate the delicate balance between appreciation of what you have and wanting of the things you don’t.

I’m fairly certain that our conversation was not initially meant to take the following path but I learned far more than I ever needed to about salaries of people I used to work with.  It simply leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I have encountered this a few times over the past ten years and it never fails to elicit this exact reaction.  I learned a long time ago that equal work does not necessarily equal comparable pay.    

I love my life.  And I hate doubting it.   Or where I am.  Even for a second. 

I can easily withdraw back into my own little world and cut myself off from friends but I know that isn’t the solution.  Has anyone else ever felt like this? If so, how did you cope with the feeling?





Gesundheit…

26 04 2010

 

 

 

It’s that time of year again….

 





31 03 2010

 

Just a random Tuesday post…

I love this photo.

Wide open. f1.4.





shuz…

27 03 2010

 

 

 

 

Have been looking for some new shoes lately…

I thought these were adorable but my size was unavailable at any stores in Canada..what?!*

 

 

Cute for the office, I think.*

 

 

All about yellow these days.*

 

 

These babies are pricey but gorgeous.  Maybe in the Fall. 

 

Love these.  And they’re mine 😉

 

 

 

These are more me with jeans and tie-dye…and I brought them home today!

*sorry for the grainy blackberry pics…couldn’t exactly whip out my camera at nine west…





26 03 2010

An ugly post, that last one.  I had to write it though, for my peace of mind.

I felt like I needed to finally stand up for myself against the one person I was never able to confront.  I don’t normally shy away from confrontation because I believe in meeting difficult situations or people head on.  Tension?  Hate it.  I would rather call someone on their negative vibes than let it fester.  One condition: I need to care about the person or believe that the resolution will be positive.

The fact that I didn’t confront the person I wrote the last post to doesn’t necessarily mean I didn’t care.  I didn’t know how to confront the person without having the discussion explode into something I could no longer control.  The only thing I could control was my tongue.

You might ask yourself why I am devoting two whole posts to this.  I realize that I should have cared more about myself and worried less about holding my tongue. Recognizing that is progress.  Some people can bring out the best parts of you and others the worst.  Over the years I have ended friendships or relationships if they ceased to be good for me or the other person.  At times it has taken longer that conceivably necessary to end those relationships but, in the end, they did end.  That’s progress too!

Last spring was difficult and a year later…what a year it has been.

I’ve mentioned this before but I rediscovered my fondness for being behind the lens.  

To new beginnings and to lessons learned.  And to happier posts.





An open letter…

22 03 2010

It has taken me over a year to write this.  Countless drafts set aside.  Here is what I would like to say:

Please stop asking about me.  Please leave my life alone.  If I wanted you to know about my life since we last spoke, I would reach out to you.  How I choose to live my life is none of your business and, truthfully,  it never was.  I don’t have to listen to your endless sarcastic commentary about my choices any more. 

I ask that you worry about your life and yours alone.  Don’t be so concerned about how many personal phone calls someone on your team makes, or about the clothing they choose to wear to the office.  They do their jobs and they do them well.  That’s it. 

I am sorry that you are so unhappy in your life;  it is up to you to make the decisions necessary to change it.  Find out what you love to do and pursue it.  I regret that I never stood up for myself when we worked together.   But I hope that when you read this that you hear me. 

I made a fresh start.  Time for you to make yours.  I hope you find your path.